[bjj guys may want to skip down to the red]
I hate journaling as writing. No one should give a shit about My day. It's just the ideas I want to write about are so disparate the only organizational structure I can think up is a biographical one, which is to say this shit can be so juxtaposed because it was so done by Time and circumstance. So far my day has included writing what turned into theoretical poetry about sex and having a huge dude curl me up into a ball while grinding my body into a mat. Plus, a lotta shit between.
Since I'm going to publish the sex stuff separately, I'll write this from the BJJ viewpoint and talk about the seminar as a way to play with all these nifty Ideas. A few notes about it first because in-person I care very much about certain modes of respect which whilst Writing I find violent&offensive. I was at a BJJ seminar. It was a fundraiser. I'm not going to say for what or why. Should someone affiliated with the cause happen upon this I'd like to explain:
Boundaries are important. My creative work is not a vehicle for others Doing good in the world. Because it's not that important. I value what people were trying to do and the cause in a way that is not expressible from Here. There is an irreverence to even my sincerity when Writing that I wouldn't want to taint what people did and were doing through Trying. Today's seminar is also a moment that provides me a perspective to Write from, and so I am, but the Cause around which the event developed is something which ought to remain absent from this-as-Language.
People. I don't usually Write about those with whom I'm acquainted in the way a journaling form demands. hmmmmm This brings up a useful question of address. I heard a child addressed as Miss __kid's name___ today. It's not English Teacher informality is evil crap that leads me to bring it up; it's history. Title+First_Name is slave talk. We stripped slaves of their names. In order to be shown an imitation of the dignity they were forced to practice toward their owners, slaves applied Mister, etc. to their first names. That's just one of the ways in which that form of address is an obscene, if unintentional, celebration of violence and poverty.
All titling is naming. Naming is defining. Defining another human being capable of doing so Itself is an act of violence. So, when I mention others whilst Writing, I do so with the least formality possible. Not as a sign of disrespect or self-aggrandizing bullshit, but because I live in a world with other human beings, and I value noThing as exceeding that. Absent the necessities of circumstance - and Language is always also so absent - titling is aggressive in the way planting flags is.
I don't know if I'll need that. I'm just getting the rules out of the way. I've never Written about my day before. The Form's potential requirements as Rules are predictable, and I could deal with them in my head, but since my Stylistic decisions are thinkable as bullshit, I like to just spell s-h-i-t out. Just in case*.
*Situation in which I can imagine caring enough to defend the intellectual integrity of my "work" which I care oh so very, very much about: turns out Stana Katic loooves the way I write and wanted my number to call and say so, but gets convinced by her agent that I'm full of it. I run into her in a New York elevator and she tells me "I loved how you write until..." So, in case that happens...I have the above paragraphs soon to be indexed by the Wayback Machine and made real in some pretty disturbingly permanent ways to back me up. So, there fictional agent of an actress who is also a woman that I have zero idea if I'd actually enjoy talking to but just pretended like it to make an absurd point about how easily I'm manipulated by images of attractive women. Which isn't as bad a thing as it sounds because there is a closer connection of Reality between those images+sound-inTime and certain bodies-as-people than there is between say the statistical definitions of Reality we find so much comfort in.
So I'm journaling about my day-I wonder if this is what LiveJournal was supposed to be for. Let's skip to it: BJJ Seminar. I like the idea of a pataphysics engine existing the way the Unreal Engine exists. I really love the idea of it being translatable into the physical world. I can kind of see how that's doable as a Style of rolling in BJJ.
Here's all I need to treat myself as a pataphysics engine-a really, really shitty one, but still...can I Think without Time about something operatively. If I could, I'd be way better at jiu-jitsu. We all already do this to some extent, but we treat these possibilities as non-real or at best Virtual in Delanda's Deleuzian sense of the word. Let's stop. I can't Think an entire match without Time. There's TOO much.
The black belt who was kind enough to donate his time so more people would come to the seminar than would have had our school's instructor taught it alone was describing techniques as Series. He mentioned how guys who are really good can throw out 10 techniques possible to employ from a given position.
Let's take a break from pataphysics and look at BJJ. The Art has no kata. That weirded me out when I started. My old style was all kata. The thing is I think those Series can be Thought kata. If one strips them of their physicality and tries to articulate them as a continuous solution to a problem the first problem that comes to mind is: how does one represent such a solution? As a form, a kata.
Kata are Abstractions in the way similarities are. They can never be real. They are created from the bodies' movements toward them and so the bodies' movements are always also imperfect instances of these forms. Or, in this case the form is a representation of a dynamic solution to a dynamic problem.
My body can't Think that yet.
Back to pataphysics: if I chop the fuck out of a series and focus on say a traditional armbar. Then chop the technique to pieces until I can get my body to Think an objective. From Guard isolate my opponent's right arm by binding it to the right side of my body. Now run that in the pataphysics engine: my body + a particular his body - everything except the objective.
Error the first: Not always possible. Exception response: move on.
Assumed: opponent's arm could be trapped by me without changing positions:
Solution Set: all actions that result in his arm where I want it - those against RulesOfDecency.
Can I think all of those? Eventually. Probably. In time to do it? Nah. What is the value of this? First, it's cool (and if I could hire Matt Smith to type that like he says it when pulling on his bowtie I would).
What happens if I remove from the solution set the probable solutions and the known failures? If I run into nothing that's when I start playing with Time. Which is also usually when I lose. But, hey...I get to roll around on the ground not-Thinking and then since I wasn't dead and was making decisions thinkable as conscious get to ask myself: What the fuck were you thinking?
Here's the thing. No one (not even me) can say I wasn't doing that but badly. Why not try to do it better?
My distorting mirror style of rolling works well for Learning. I need to find a way to add to it purposeful directionality. I could just use emotion and head toward or from rage, but that sounds like no fun. I could move toward a choke or pass. That sounds less dickish but also not like a lot of fun.
The trick is that I can't treat any one solution as more or less real than any others which means I need my body to keep control of my opponent whilst I consider it equal to imaginary versions of Itself. I'm Writing and breathing. Sounds doable.
I need to get better at BJJ. Why not do it like that? That was one weird&wonderful Thing that occurred to me today. Journaling's hard. Gonna stop (for now?).